Two quotations frame the communication pages of the Managing Your Opportunities workbook. The first, attributed to Mark Snook, says we need to stop emailing and start communicating. The second, widely attributed to George Bernard Shaw (though the attribution is uncertain), observes that the single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
Together they make an uncomfortable point. Most of us send a great many messages. Far fewer of those messages are understood the way we intended. This article looks at why, and at practical steps (the workbook’s heading for this section) to close the gap.
The illusion of communication
The illusion works like this. You send an email explaining a delivery change. It is clear to you, because you know the background. You assume it has been read and understood. The customer skims it on a phone between meetings, misses the key sentence, and is surprised a week later when the delivery arrives late. Both sides believe communication happened. Neither is right.
The illusion is created by several common gaps:
- Sent is not received. Messages are lost in busy inboxes, filtered or simply not opened.
- Received is not read. People skim, especially on mobile devices.
- Read is not understood. Without shared context, the reader may interpret the message differently.
- Understood is not agreed. Understanding what you said does not mean they accept it.
- Agreed is not acted on. Even agreement does not guarantee action unless responsibilities and timing are clear.
Good communication means checking each of these steps rather than assuming them.
Why email is overused
Email has real strengths. It is asynchronous, leaves a record and allows careful wording. But it has become the default for almost everything, including conversations it handles badly.
Email struggles with:
- Nuance and emotion. Without tone and body language, messages are easily misread, often as colder or more critical than intended.
- Complex discussion. Long threads with many replies fragment the conversation, and important points get lost.
- Building relationships. Trust is built more slowly in writing than in conversation.
- Resolving disagreement. Written exchanges about a disagreement often harden positions.
- Urgency. An urgent matter sent by email may not be seen in time.
The workbook’s quotation is not an instruction to abandon email. It is a reminder that sending an email is not the same as communicating, and that some conversations need a richer channel.
Choosing the right channel
A useful habit is to choose the channel deliberately, based on what the message needs to achieve.
| Situation | Best channel | Why |
|---|---|---|
| Confirming agreed details, sharing documents, creating a record | Email or written message | Clear, permanent, easy to refer back to |
| Discussing a problem, exploring options, sensitive news | Phone, video or in person | Tone and immediate clarification prevent misunderstanding |
| Building a new relationship | In person or video | Richer signals build trust faster |
| Urgent matters | Phone, then confirm in writing | Ensures it is seen in time, with a record afterwards |
| Disagreement or complaint | Conversation first, written summary after | Talking reduces escalation; writing confirms the outcome |
| Simple updates | Short message | Fast and efficient |
A practical pattern for important matters is talk, then write: have the conversation, then send a short written summary of what was agreed. You get the richness of conversation and the clarity of a record.
Practical steps to improve communication
1. Know your purpose before you start
Before any important message or conversation, be clear about what you want the other person to understand, feel or do as a result. A message without a clear purpose tends to wander, and readers struggle to find the point.
2. Put the most important thing first
Busy readers often read only the opening. Lead with the conclusion, request or key information, then provide the detail. “We can deliver on the 14th rather than the 10th. Here’s why, and what we’re doing to minimise the impact” is far more effective than three paragraphs of background before the news.
3. Write for the reader, not yourself
Consider what the reader already knows, what they care about and what might confuse them. Avoid internal jargon and abbreviations. Explain the context they need, and nothing more.
4. Make requests explicit
If you need something, say exactly what, from whom and by when. “Could you confirm the delivery address by Thursday?” works far better than “Let me know about the address at some point.”
5. Keep it short and scannable
Short paragraphs, clear headings for longer messages and bullet points for lists help readers absorb information quickly. If a message is becoming long, it may be a sign that a conversation would be better.
6. Check understanding
In conversation, summarise and ask for confirmation: “So, to make sure I’ve got this right…”. For important written messages, invite a reply that confirms understanding, or follow up with a call.
7. Watch your tone in writing
Read important messages back from the recipient’s point of view. Short, unadorned sentences can read as curt. A brief friendly opening, a “thanks” and an offer to talk can change how a message lands without adding length.
8. Close the loop
Confirm when something is done. A one-line “That’s sorted, the revised drawings are attached” prevents uncertainty and builds trust.
Managing the three channels
The workbook’s practical-steps page pairs these ideas with the three channels from the previous article: body language, tone and words. It asks how to manage each and for examples. In practice:
- Body language is managed by being present: facing people, removing distractions and paying attention. Examples: closing the laptop in a meeting; nodding and taking notes.
- Tone is managed by awareness and preparation: slowing down, pausing and making sure your tone matches your words. Examples: a calm, steady voice when discussing a problem; warmth when greeting.
- Words are managed by planning and plain language. Examples: preparing key points, summarising and using the customer’s own terms.
The anatomy of a good customer email
When email is the right channel, structure makes the difference between a message that is read and acted on and one that is skimmed and forgotten. A reliable structure for most customer emails:
- A specific subject line that says what the email is about and whether action is needed: “Revised delivery date for order 4521: please confirm by Thursday.”
- The key point in the first sentence or two: the news, the decision or the request.
- Brief context only as much as the reader needs to understand the point.
- What happens next, including any action needed from the reader and the date.
- An offer to talk if the matter is complex or sensitive.
An illustrative example:
Subject: Revised delivery date for order 4521: please confirm by Thursday
Hi Priya,
We can now deliver order 4521 on Wednesday 14th, four days later than planned. Our steel supplier has delayed a shipment.
To reduce the impact, we can send the first 20 units on the 10th as originally scheduled, with the remaining 30 on the 14th. Could you let me know by Thursday which option suits you better?
Happy to talk it through if that’s easier. I’m on 0400 000 000.
Thanks, Sam
The key fact is in the first line, the reason in the second, the options and the request are explicit, and there is an easy path to a conversation.
Communicating when things go wrong
Problems test communication more than anything else. A few principles help:
- Tell people early. Bad news delivered early is a courtesy; bad news discovered late is a breach of trust.
- Lead with the facts, not the excuses. What has happened, what it means and what you are doing about it.
- Take responsibility for your part. Even if the cause was outside your control, your response is within it.
- Offer options where possible. People cope better when they have choices.
- Use a conversation for serious problems, then confirm in writing.
- Follow up after the problem is solved, to check the customer is satisfied.
Handled this way, problems often strengthen relationships, because they show the customer how you behave under pressure.
Messaging apps and text messages
Many customers now prefer short messages through text or messaging apps. These channels are fast and convenient, but they magnify the weaknesses of written communication: tone is easily misread, important details get lost in long threads, and records are scattered.
Some sensible habits:
- Use them for quick, simple matters: confirming a time, sharing a photo, a brief update.
- Move to a call when a message thread starts going back and forth on something complex.
- Confirm anything important elsewhere, such as a price, scope or contractual commitment, in an email or formal document.
- Keep business conversations on business channels where colleagues can see them if needed, rather than only on personal phones.
- Respect boundaries. A message at 10pm may be convenient for you and intrusive for the customer.
Meetings that communicate
Meetings are a major communication channel in business, and often a poor one. A few habits make them work:
- A clear purpose and agenda, shared beforehand.
- The right people, and no more than necessary.
- Decisions and actions recorded during the meeting, with owners and dates.
- A brief written summary sent promptly afterwards.
Many meetings end with everyone believing they agreed, and each person remembering something different. A short written summary is the cheapest cure for the illusion of communication.
Communicating with customers
Customer communication deserves particular care, because misunderstandings cost money and trust.
- Set expectations early and clearly. What will happen, when, and what the customer needs to do.
- Update proactively. Customers should hear about changes, especially problems, from you before they discover them.
- Use their preferred channel. Some customers prefer calls, others email, others messaging. Ask.
- Confirm commitments in writing. Prices, scope, dates and responsibilities should be clear and recorded.
- Avoid surprises on invoices. Unexpected charges damage trust more than almost anything else.
A worked example
A small fabrication business receives an email from a customer asking whether a modified bracket design can be ready “early next month”. This is an illustration.
Version one. A staff member replies “Should be fine.” The customer reads this as a commitment for the first week. The workshop interprets “early next month” as mid-month. Three weeks later the customer is angry, and both sides feel misled.
Version two. The staff member calls the customer to clarify: which date exactly, what quantity and whether the design is final. They agree on the 8th for a first batch of fifty, subject to drawing approval by the 25th. The staff member then emails a three-line summary confirming the date, the quantity and the approval deadline. The customer replies to confirm.
Version two takes five extra minutes. It prevents a dispute, and it shows the customer that the business is careful and reliable.
Communication inside the business
The same principles apply internally. Many customer problems begin as internal communication failures: sales promises something production cannot deliver, or delivery is not told about a customer’s special requirement.
Simple practices help:
- Shared notes on each customer, recording needs, commitments and preferences.
- Clear hand-offs between stages, with a short written brief.
- Regular short check-ins between people who share customers.
- A culture where asking for clarification is welcome, not seen as a failure to understand.
Common mistakes
Assuming a sent message has been understood. The illusion of communication.
Burying the point. The key information in paragraph four.
Using email for difficult conversations. Disagreements and bad news usually go better in conversation.
Vague requests. “Let me know” without saying what or when.
No written record after important conversations. Memories diverge quickly.
Never asking how people prefer to communicate. Preferences vary widely.
Applying this in a small business
- Adopt “talk, then write” for anything important: discuss it, then confirm it in a short summary.
- Use a standard structure for customer updates: what has happened, what it means for them, what happens next and what you need from them.
- Agree response-time standards for enquiries and keep to them.
- Review a few recent misunderstandings as a team and ask where communication broke down. The patterns are usually instructive.
- Ask customers how they prefer to be contacted, and record it.
Bringing it together
Communication has not happened just because a message has been sent. It has happened when the other person has understood what you meant and knows what to do next. Getting there means choosing the right channel, leading with what matters, writing for the reader, checking understanding and closing the loop.
The two quotations in the workbook capture it well. Stop treating email as communication, and stop assuming communication has taken place. Check.
The next article looks at one of the most useful tools for checking and deepening understanding: asking good questions.
Topics and structure drawn from the Managing Your Opportunities sales workshop workbook (Charlie Pidcock); the explanations and examples are GoCore’s own. Quotations are summarised from the workbook; attributions are as given there. Examples are illustrations, not real cases. This article is general information, not professional advice.
