The listening page of the Managing Your Opportunities workbook begins with a line associated with Stephen Covey: listen with the intent to understand, not to reply. It then sets out a series of blanks under the heading “The Numbers”: what percentage of us believe we are good listeners, how much of our day we spend listening, how few of us have ever been trained in it, and how fast we speak, listen and think, in words per minute.
The blanks were filled in during the workshop, and we will not invent figures to complete them here; published estimates vary widely, and many popular statistics about listening are hard to trace to solid research. But the shape of the argument is sound and well supported: most people overestimate their listening skill, spend a large part of their working day listening, have received little or no training in it, and can think considerably faster than others speak. That last gap is what makes listening so difficult.
This article explains what the numbers on that page are pointing at, what it means for customer conversations, and four practical ways to listen better.
Why we think we listen better than we do
Most people consider themselves good listeners. It is easy to see why. We hear what people say, we respond, and conversations seem to go fine. The failures of listening are mostly invisible: the detail we missed, the concern we did not notice, the question we answered that was not quite the one asked.
There is also a well-documented general tendency for people to rate themselves above average on many skills. Listening is a natural candidate, because poor listening rarely produces obvious, immediate consequences. The customer does not say “you didn’t listen”. They simply buy elsewhere.
Why listening is so hard: the speed gap
People can generally process speech considerably faster than others speak, and think faster still. The workbook’s three “words per minute” blanks point to this gap: speaking speed, listening speed and thinking speed.
The gap leaves spare mental capacity while someone is talking, and the mind fills it:
- planning what to say next
- judging what is being said
- thinking about unrelated things
- jumping to conclusions before the speaker has finished
This is the opposite of listening to understand. Covey’s distinction (listening to understand versus listening to reply) describes exactly what happens when spare capacity is spent preparing our response rather than taking in what is said.
What poor listening costs in business
In customer conversations, poor listening is expensive:
- Wrong solutions. Proposals address what we assumed rather than what the customer said.
- Missed signals. Hesitations, priorities and concerns slip past unnoticed.
- Lost trust. Customers who feel unheard are less open and less loyal.
- Repeated conversations. Information has to be gathered again because it was not captured the first time.
- Escalated problems. Complaints grow when the first expression of frustration was not acknowledged.
Inside the business, poor listening between colleagues produces the same failures: mistakes in hand-offs, repeated work and frustration.
What good listening looks like
Good listening is active, not passive. It involves:
- Attention: focusing fully on the speaker, without distractions.
- Understanding: working to grasp what they mean, not just what they say.
- Withholding judgement: hearing the whole message before evaluating it.
- Responding to show understanding: summarising, reflecting and asking follow-up questions.
- Noticing the non-verbal: tone and body language that add to or contradict the words.
- Remembering: capturing what matters, so it can be acted on later.
Four practical tips to improve your listening
The workbook asks for four practical tips. Here are GoCore’s.
1. Remove distractions and give full attention
Put the phone away. Close the laptop unless you are using it to take notes. Turn towards the person. On video calls, close other windows. Attention is the foundation of listening, and it is visible: people can tell when they have your full attention, and they say more when they do.
2. Listen to the end before you respond
Resist the urge to interrupt, finish their sentences or start forming your answer. Let the speaker complete their thought. Then pause briefly before responding. That short pause signals that you were listening, and it often prompts the speaker to add something important they had not yet said.
A useful self-check: if you find yourself rehearsing your reply while the other person is still talking, bring your attention back to their words.
3. Summarise and reflect
Periodically summarise what you have heard in your own words: “So if I’ve understood correctly, the main problem is that rush orders disrupt the schedule, and that’s costing you overtime and late deliveries?” This does three things at once. It checks your understanding, shows the customer you listened and gives them a chance to correct or add to it.
Reflecting the feeling as well as the content can be powerful when appropriate: “That sounds really frustrating, especially before your busy season.”
4. Ask follow-up questions based on what they said
The clearest sign of listening is a follow-up question that builds on the speaker’s own words: “You mentioned the team is stretched. What does that look like day to day?” Prepared questions matter, but follow-up questions show you are engaged with this conversation, not a script.
Listening for what is not said
Some of the most important information in a conversation is implicit:
- Emphasis: what the customer returns to repeatedly is usually what matters most.
- Emotion: frustration, worry or enthusiasm in their tone.
- Hesitation: pauses before answering questions about budget, timing or decision-making.
- Omissions: topics they avoid or skip quickly.
- Mismatches: words that say one thing while tone says another.
These signals are prompts for gentle questions, not conclusions: “You paused when I mentioned timing. Is there something about the schedule we should talk about?”
Note-taking and listening
Taking notes can help or hinder listening. Done well, it shows the customer you take them seriously and preserves details you would otherwise forget. Done badly, it pulls your attention down to the page and away from the person.
A few habits help:
- Ask permission if it is a sensitive conversation: “Do you mind if I take a few notes so I don’t miss anything?”
- Capture key words and phrases, especially the customer’s own words, rather than full sentences.
- Look up frequently. Notes should support attention, not replace it.
- Write up properly afterwards, while the conversation is fresh.
Listening when you disagree
Listening is hardest when you disagree or feel criticised, for example during a complaint or a tough negotiation. The instinct is to defend or counter-argue immediately. Doing so usually escalates the conversation and means you miss the real issue.
Instead:
- let the person finish
- acknowledge their perspective (“I can see why that’s frustrating”)
- ask questions to understand fully
- only then respond with your view or a solution
Acknowledging a perspective does not mean agreeing with it. It means showing you have understood it, which is usually what an upset person needs most before they can hear anything else.
A worked example
A customer calls a small IT support business, irritated about repeated problems with their email. This is an illustration.
In the first version, the technician interrupts after a few sentences: “Yes, that’s a known issue, you just need to clear the cache.” The customer, who had not finished explaining, hangs up unsatisfied. The problem recurs, and the customer starts looking for another provider.
In the second version, the technician lets the customer finish, then summarises: “So it’s been happening for about two weeks, it’s worse in the mornings, and it’s affecting the whole office, not just your computer?” The customer adds that it started when they moved offices. That detail points to a network configuration issue rather than a single computer. The technician asks two follow-up questions, identifies the real cause and fixes it that afternoon.
The difference was not technical knowledge. It was listening to the end.
Listening on the phone and on video
Remote conversations make listening harder in specific ways.
On the phone, you lose all visual cues, so tone carries more of the meaning. Listen closely for changes in pace, pauses and emotion. Because the speaker cannot see you nodding, brief verbal acknowledgements (“right”, “I see”, “that makes sense”) reassure them that you are still engaged, without interrupting.
On video, small delays make interruptions more likely, and the temptation to glance at other windows is strong. Close everything else, keep your eyes on the speaker and leave a slightly longer pause before responding, to avoid talking over each other.
On both, summarising becomes more important, because there are fewer signals to confirm understanding.
Listening and qualifying
Listening is the engine of the qualifying stage. Most of what you need to know about an opportunity (the real problem, its impact, the people involved, the timing, the doubts) comes from what the customer says and how they say it.
Several qualification signals emerge only through careful listening:
- Whose name keeps coming up. It often reveals who really influences the decision.
- The words they use for the problem. “Annoying” and “costing us customers” signal very different levels of urgency.
- Whether they say “we” or “I”. It can indicate whether the decision is shared.
- Vagueness on certain topics. Uncertainty about budget or timing often surfaces as vague answers rather than direct statements.
The best qualifiers are not the people with the longest checklists. They are the people who listen most carefully.
Exercises to practise listening
Listening improves with practice, like any skill. A few simple exercises:
Summarise before you respond. For a week, make a habit of summarising what someone has said before giving your view, in meetings, on calls and at home. It feels slow at first and quickly becomes natural.
Listening pairs. In a team session, one person talks for three minutes about a work challenge while the other listens without interrupting, then summarises. The speaker rates how accurate and complete the summary was. Then swap.
Count your talk time. After a customer meeting, estimate what proportion of the time you spent talking. In early-stage conversations, aim for the customer to do most of the talking.
Note one thing you would have missed. After each important conversation, write down one thing you learned only because you listened carefully. It reinforces the habit by making its value visible.
Building a listening culture
Listening improves when an organisation values it:
- Leaders model it, asking questions and listening in meetings rather than dominating.
- Customer insights are shared, so what one person hears benefits everyone.
- Meetings make space for listening, with fewer presentations and more discussion.
- Feedback is welcomed, and people are thanked for raising problems.
- Training includes listening, not just presenting and persuading.
Listening inside your own business
Everything in this article applies to colleagues and staff as much as to customers. People on the front line (delivery drivers, technicians, support staff, junior salespeople) often hear things about customers that never reach decision-makers: complaints mentioned in passing, competitors being considered, changes in a customer’s business.
Leaders who listen well to their own people learn about problems and opportunities earlier. A few habits help:
- Ask open questions in one-to-one conversations: “What are you hearing from customers lately?”
- Listen to the end, especially when the news is unwelcome.
- Act on what you hear, and say so. People keep sharing when they can see it makes a difference.
- Thank people for raising problems. Otherwise, they learn to stay quiet.
A business that listens internally is far more likely to listen well to its customers.
Common mistakes
Assuming you are a good listener. Most people overestimate.
Listening to reply. Preparing your response instead of understanding theirs.
Interrupting, even with good intentions.
Jumping to solutions before the problem is fully understood.
Ignoring tone and body language. Missing half the message.
Not writing anything down. Important details are lost within hours.
Bringing it together
Listening is one of the most valuable skills in business and one of the least deliberately developed. The gap between how fast we think and how fast others speak leaves room for distraction, judgement and premature replies. Closing that gap takes deliberate habits: removing distractions, listening to the end, summarising, and asking follow-up questions built on what you heard.
Customers notice good listening, even if they never name it. It is often the difference between a supplier they tolerate and one they trust.
Topics and structure drawn from the Managing Your Opportunities sales workshop workbook (Charlie Pidcock); the explanations and examples are GoCore’s own. The workbook’s statistics were completed in the live session; this article deliberately does not invent figures. Examples are illustrations, not real cases. This article is general information, not professional advice.
